SCENE: Driving along a Utah Interstate en route to McCall in the '84 Chevy van which, from an aesthetic view point, I am incapable of easily categorizing. Still, I'll try: It was a big beast of a thing; maroon with a horizontal white stripe a couple feet thick running its length. I once got out of parking ticket at Doherty by questioning the professionalism of the attendant. In the field on the ticket for vehicle description he had simply written "ugly" (true story). Had they actually checked, I would have lost my case because that van was indeed ugly. You get the idea.
A teen aged Aryn is driving the beast at highway speeds through a stretch of road under construction, I'm riding shotgun, the rest of the gang in various states of bored consciousness in the back seats. Dad was asleep in the very back. Aryn and I (not sure which one) decided to break up the monotony a bit by seeing how close she could get to those traffic cones lining the right lane which, of course, cars normally try to avoid. As a teenager, it always sounds like a good idea.
Aryn inches over in her lane.
Aryn: "Did I get it?"
Me: "No"
She straightens the van again, and begins to inch back over as we approach the next cone.
Aryn: "I get that one?"
Me: "No, another few feet over."
Again, she inches over.
"Did I get it?"
"No. A little more."
And on it went for several cones. Each time we were a good few feet away, and I was getting frustrated at the lack of effort. Aryn would veer over only slightly, never really giving us a fair shot at hitting a cone.
Me: "You're not even close. A few more feet over - you're only going a few inches."
And then all of a sudden, with a resolute and textbook Fitzwater grimace of determination she veered in a major way to the right.
SHWUUUMP! BGUUUMP! BUMP! SCRATCH! BUUUMP! The beast plowed over that poor cone which was a thick plastic and a good 2-3 feet tall making all kinds of thuds and bumping noises as it bounced and smashed its way straight down the middle of the van's undercarriage.
Silence from Aryn and I as we looked at each other for a moment and at the mangled cone bouncing out on the highway behind us...then came the inevitable.
Dad (rustling up from his slumber in the back and peering forward with hair looking like it'd just been flow-bee'd and the textbook Dad grimace on his face): "WHAT WAS THAT!?"
Aryn (after a long pause): "I...uh...accidentally hit a cone."
Thanks for the memory (and sorry to tarnish your previously unblemished record)! It was great to have you visit - you are ALWAYS fun to be around, and we miss you. Happy Birthday, Sister!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
I am trying desperately to figure out how to post with the name Arnold so that people who google my name cannot find me. I can't keep track of all the passwords! Wish me luck...
You are a funny writer Brady. I do remember the incident, and I cringe every time, because what a dumb and dangerous thing to do... here's hoping dad doesn't read our blogs (gulp).
Besides, I've always prided myself on being a good driver, so yes, you have tarnished my record! Excepting, of course, that time I rammed into the side of the van with the honda as I was backing out of the driveway to go to church. I sat in the parking lot sobbing till you all pulled up in the van and dad told me to get it together, "it's just a car." As we sat there waiting for church to start, I wished the bishopric would quit staring at me... yes, my face was all puffy. Dad (reading the program) leans over and asks, "you're giving a TALK today?" Before I could even process that Courtney pipes up and in a panicked voice announces that she left a note on the counter yesterday that Sister Griggs had called and I was supposed to be the youth speaker. Dad took pity on me and told me to "just go home," and I exited stage left.
So yeah, Courtney's evil. (See how I pulled the focus off my driving?)
That van was not ugly. Red, white, loyal, and all-American. How is that ugly? ok, it was ugly.
Seriously, thanks for the b-day wishes. Now, be a good brother and post more pictures of my nephews...
And I should add, my love for that ugly van never waned.
I don't know which is funnier, the story of the cone or the fact that you are trying to post as "arnold"??? Your weirdness knows no bounds.
also, courtney is evil.
I have no memory of that event. Which clearly points to my lack of memory, and not to my evil-ness. What are we talking about?
Post a Comment